{Snowman made his daughter’s friend wear this to our engagement party}

I am thrilled to announce that the infamous Snowman has graced this blog with a guest piece! (If you don’t know who Snowman is, you can read about him here. He’s like a second dad to me, and is the owner of the beautiful home in Tahoe where Tony proposed, and where we’ll be getting married August 1, 2015 – and for that, I will be forever indebted to him). He goes by a number of aliases, mostly online and sometimes in real life (good luck finding him on Facebook – his profile picture is of a bird and every piece of information “About” him is a straight up lie).

When Snowman generously offered up his home as the venue for our wedding (something he knew I’d been dreaming about since I was a kid), it was with the caveat: “It’s yours, as long as zombies don’t attack.” I’m really hoping he means a literal zombie attack will be the only thing that could stop our wedding (and that “zombie attack” isn’t code for a stomachache or fainting spell after seeing the number on my mom’s guest list). His fears about privacy online are only matched by his fears about what could go wrong at our wedding, and so that was his topic of choice. My responses are in italics. Enjoy:

9 THINGS THAT CAN GO HORRIBLY WRONG AT A TAHOE WEDDING
BY SNOWMAN

{My friend Greg and me, jet skiing in Tahoe}

The annual road re-paving detours all traffic to Reno.
Good thing you have a boat and jet ski to taxi everyone across the lake!

Yellow jackets enjoy the food while the mosquitoes enjoy the guests.
I eat too fast for yellow jackets to have a shot at jacking my food. And we’re putting organic bug spray in the Welcome Bags, so this point it moot.

{I took this picture of this bear. This location is near where I will be walking down the aisle.}

Bears crash the party. Literally.
That would be so cool. I hope that happens. (*Real bears, not Snowman dressed in the bear costume he used to put on to scare us when we were kids. Please don’t do this. Snowman’s Wife and Children, if you are reading this, please don’t let him do this.)

Too much alcohol is consumed at the rehearsal dinner and the groomsmen can’t find the groom, or the wedding (a reverse version of what happened to me).
Snowman also got married at this house, and I think his wife could write a pretty accurate first person account of what could go wrong at a Tahoe wedding, based on what actually did. (It all worked out, though! I watched their wedding video! She had a Princess Diana-esque dress and looked beautiful and Snowman eventually showed up and it didn’t rain the whole time!)

There is an earthquake followed by a tsunami (about 30 seconds later) and nobody put life jackets under the seats.
Ahh, but if I know you, I know you are planning to put life jackets under the seats, just in case this happens! (*Please don’t do this. Snowman’s Wife and Children, if you are reading this, please don’t let him do this.)

The paparazzi think it’s a Kardashian wedding and rent jet skis to see who shows up.
This is my dream. Snowman, do you not see the life choices I’ve made thus far in my pursuit to be famous?

Smoke from the annual forest fire makes breathing difficult and gives the photographs a nice patina (circa 1860’s), including the absence of smiling.
Then people won’t have to worry about which Instagram filter to choose!

{Rain or not, this will still be the view from our ceremony site}

The weather goes into Fantasia mode with Mickey in charge of the mop up.
Great! Then I don’t have to wear sunscreen!

{My dad, standing in the spot where I’ll get married with his dogs & granddogs}

Your dad sees the actual bill right before he walks you down the aisle.
Okay, this one is a true fear and real possible disaster.