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{Threw these cupcakes from last Friday away because it hurt to look at them. Stared at them in the garbage for a long time. Took a picture and made art. Still thinking about cupcakes.}

I started my first juice cleanse yesterday. I don’t DO juice cleanses. (You can read my feelings on them here.) Day Two update on how I am surviving:

Got a ton of work done yesterday morning, because I was worried I’d get so hungry I wouldn’t be able to think straight, that I rushed to accomplish as much as possible.

Wondering why people say “all you lose is water weight” on a cleanse, when I feel like all I’m eating is water? Like, it genuinely occurred to me as I guzzled straight from the sink that I am a part of California’s water crisis? Because all I’m putting into my body is water and more water.

Whitened my teeth, because it’s the only time in the foreseeable future I won’t have either coffee or red wine in my mouth.

Wore a face mask and wondered if I could eat it.

Peed constantly. Constantly. If I wasn’t drinking, I was peeing.

Meditated on the deck. (*By meditated, I mean I dedicated 10 straight minutes to thinking about nothing but all the food I’m going to eat on Friday while Headspace droned on in the background.)

Wondered what dog food tastes like. The dogs seem to love it. I wonder if I would love it? Do you think you can juice it?

Wondered if I’ve gone insane.

Slurred on two separate phone calls. First time in my life I have slurred without alcohol involved.

Had to email the wedding caterer with our appetizer selections. Literally drooled on my computer while doing so.

Asked the FedEx guy what he was having for lunch.

Cheated by drinking water with chia seeds because I read they’re supposed to make you feel full. THEY’RE HEALTHY OK

Cheated by drinking 1 cup of chicken broth. IT’S ONLY 5 CALORIES OK

Stared at a bottle of wine for a while. Didn’t drink it. Almost did. IT’S JUICE OK

Sat in the hot tub pondering life + wondering if I look like Gisele yet.

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{Photo courtesy of the wildest Instagram feed of all time}