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Mexication!

{Where I spent the last week: PARADISE}

In exactly two weeks, I will be 30. I’m having a very unoriginal crisis over that fact. Tony and I also have a bucket list of travel destinations we want to hit before we have kids. Our lives are about to get wildly busy with his show premiering next week (School of Rock! Nickelodeon! March 12! Please watch!!) And our friend Kara is the best travel agent on the planet (FYI, kara@karaslater.com, HIRE HER), who hooks us up with the most insane deals. Those are the factors that led to our stupidly over-the-top vacation in Mexico for an early birthday celebration that I’m about to assault your eyeballs with. This is probably my most Marie Antoinette-esque, not so #humblebrag as much as #BRAGBRAGBRAG post I’ve written to date. Just know it’s a highlight reel. I’m only sharing photos where I’m sucking my stomach in so hard I’m probably crushing my uterus (or kidneys or whatever, I didn’t pass science with flying colors). I also didn’t post any photos from the night I ate so many tacos I barfed. Or any of the photos of my mom telling me to make a career pivot, and consider abandoning Hollywood and becoming a travel agent instead. I’m just sharing my favorite parts of this unforgettable, epic trip. VIVA MEXICO!

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{My traveling companions//favorite people in the world}

I’ve been a pretty broken record about my desire to spend my 30th birthday on a deserted beach with a margarita in one hand and a pile of tacos in the other. So, as the most incredible birthday gift of all time, my mom and dad took Tony and me to Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Cabo. That place is not screwing around with their name. It is literally paradise. For example: The car the hotel sent to pick us up was stocked with beer and candy shaped like the Mexican flag:

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We were greeted with a giant flaming birthday cupcake:

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And our “room” was bigger than the place where Tony and I actually live. It included:

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A sauna in the bathroom. Tony would use this every morning, and my mom would sneak in to spook him. I don’t know which one of them loved their little game more.

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A massage room.

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(We only used it for photo shoots.)

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Unlimited tiny cans of Evian face spray. I squirreled them away every chance I got, and brought about 37 home with me.

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Three patios.

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One of which had an infinity jacuzzi that Tony spent most waking hours in.

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This bed.

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A personalized sewing kit that was made after the butler went through our clothes to see what colors were most predominant in our wardrobe.

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Breakfast on the patio, with fresh-squeezed juices.

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A tequila tasting set, complete with a bottle of tequila.

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The prettiest floors.

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Mini-libraries all over the place (the hotel has a deal with publishing companies, where you can read books before they come out while staying at the property.)

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A coffee table book game that is ON POINT.

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A privacy sign that I would like to wear as a necklace.

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Even the housekeepers’ bags were perfect. This is what they used to carry around cleaning supplies. (I wouldn’t shut up about this bag. I could not get over it. CLEANING SUPPLIES. Tony bought me one on the last day, so now if my career as a writer, actor, blogger OR travel agent don’t work out, I can be a housekeeper.)

And, to really set the scene, here is what the rest of the hotel looked like:

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No detail was overlooked. For the menu at the restaurant, all of the recipes were from the families of the 450+ staff members.

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Every night, we would come home to aromatherapy candles burning and a little doll magnet with a note on our bed. (This was our collection on the last day.)

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My favorite kind of soup was on the menu every day!

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They turned birthday cakes into edible art.

On the last night, they left me this note:

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And filled the bathtub with a balloon-filled bubble bath.

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To top it all: There were staff members on the beach whose job was just to clean your sunglasses.

We only ventured off the property twice. Once, to visit the local farmer’s market and shops:

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Tony, doing his favorite kind of shots (alcohol-free healthy ones. He is my polar opposite.)

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CHEESY MELTY TACO TOSTADA THINGYS THAT I WILL DREAM OF FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE.

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A place where I spent too many pesos searching out tablecloths, napkins, runners and pillow covers like the ones at Las Ventanas. (My mom found a painted dog statue that looked like our dog Tippi that my dad said was too expensive, and I’m pretty sure he will never stop hearing about that mistake. I inherited my distaste for the word “no” from her.)

On Saturday night, we went to what was quite possibly the best restaurant any of us have ever been to, Flora Farm. It wasn’t just a restaurant. It was an experience. It’s an actual farm and everything you eat is raised and grown there, and they have six dogs and cottages where people can stay, and a store that sells jewelry and paintings made by local artists, and also a James Perse store. There is a coffee/wine shop near the entrance, where you can grab a cup/glass and then wander the property or try to catch a dog to snuggle. There was live music, and a small open-air grocery store with homemade granola and wedding cakes. And, on top of all that, some of the best cocktails and food I have ever tasted ever. I cried a little bit, it all made me so emotional (and probably because I was drunk.)

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The placemats are designed to look like the game of Life.

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The dogs just wander through the restaurant! Georgie picked us to relax with because we gave him scraps and pets.

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That night, we came home to a fireworks show (one of many throughout the trip), on account of all the weddings happening right and left. Makes sense. My new life dream is to renew our vows there, because I’m already ready to plan another wedding. Or maybe just move there.

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Throughout the trip, I made Tony take so many photos of me, I’m worried I have a personality disorder of Donald Trump-esque proportions. I took the #InstagramHusband to new heights of shamelessness. So here are some awesome pics!

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{Went on a real sociopathic bender with that one}

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{An #InstagramHusband, in his natural habitat}

Tony and I were supposed to fly back with my parents on Monday. But, (if you couldn’t tell) we were having such an amazing time, we decided to push our flight and stay one more day. On our last night, we went for a romantic horseback ride on the beach. Even though I remembered 6 cans and 4 bottles of sunscreen, 3 cans of bug spray, 8 lipstick options, 9 pairs of shoes, 14 dresses and 7 bathing suits, I forgot to pack pants. So, I wore workout leggings and Tony’s shirt. (This was truly one of the highlights of the highlights. If you ever go, hire Rancho Collins: 624-151-5749. Family-owned, beyond kind, sweetest horses. LOVE.)

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The only time we spent on this horseback ride together was when we posed for photos. My horse, Choyera, was the boss lady and she didn’t like when Tony’s horse Galilea was up in her grill. Anytime Tony would try to ride up next to me, Choyera would trot away. So, Tony went for a romantic ride with our guide and Choyera and I went off into the sunset solo.

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{In front of Sammy Hagar’s house! Choyera is over it.}

I ate tacos for pretty much every meal: Breakfast. Snack. Lunch. Snack. Dinner. Snack. Sometimes I got quesadillas. I almost always ate them on the beach. I wish I could eat all my food on the beach.

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Or at a swim-up bar.

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But mostly the beach.

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And always with margaritas.

The best part about the trip, though, was the time spent laughing with (or at) my family. I inherited my fear of the sun and love of SPF 70 from my mom, who really killed it on the beach:

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{Literally, how she would lay out. This was not a joke, but the rest of us thought it was hilarious. Probably everyone else, creepy. BUT SHE DIDN’T GET A SUNBURN AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!}

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I am a lucky, lucky girl. And, as scared about turning 30 as I am, this beautiful trip was the most incredible way to celebrate it. THANK YOU, Mom and Dad!!