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Tony and I didn’t go to Coachella this weekend (if you’re interested, for pretty much the same reasons as last year). But here is what we DID do…

Went to bed at 8:30pm on Friday.

Ate milkshakes for breakfast.

Attended 5-year-old twins’ birthday party.

Did NOT wear a crop top, cowboy boots, gladiator sandals or fringe.

DID wear the same dress 3 days in a row.

Read Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook cover to cover (again) in honor of the birth of her child.

Tried on a wedding dress that was not mine.

Cried for an hour when it didn’t fit me.

Hosted a dinner party.

Listened to One Direction’s “History” ON REPEAT and smugly, truly believed in my heart that nothing at Coachella could be better.

Ran 5 miles.

Hiked 8 miles.

Ran into our married friends at the grocery store, and chatted for 30 minutes in the produce section about our respective low-carb diets.

Did NOT take acid and trip about Axel Rose being my biological father.

DID take 45 vitamins.

Fed Tony Dayquil as he Snapchatted through his violent cough.

Made Tony watch clips of Anne Hathaway in Les Mis, to see whose cough was more melodramatic.

Pondered baby names while drinking tequila.

Spent 3-5 hours on Instagram comparing my life to other people’s, and 5-7 on Pinterest building a dream home in my mind that I can’t afford in reality.

Wondered what it would be like to be Jennifer Lawrence’s best friend. Like, what kind of advice would she give? Where would we go to brunch?

Tried to make flower crowns for the dogs from shrubs in our yard. Didn’t work out.

Did our taxes!!!!!!!!!!!! (Each ! signifies a new level of nervous breakdown.)

Drank a whole bottle of wine (just me) to cope with taxes.