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15 Things I Learned In The 1st Year of Marriage

11 months ago, I wrote about all of the things I learned in the 1st month of marriage. Yesterday, Tony and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary/TONANNIVERSARY! So now, here are the things I learned in the 1st year of being newlyweds… (YOU GUYS, I’m gonna milk this opportunity to keep talking about our wedding for all it’s worth!)

The curveball is better than the plan, more often than not. Tony had made grand plans to go on a mini-vacation this weekend to celebrate our anniversary, but as it drew closer, we felt like saving money would be a smarter choice, plus we’re just too busy with the move and his job to get away right now. Then I sprained my ankle, and our slightly less grand plans of running around the city had to be put on hold, too. We got out for our one fancy dinner, but otherwise spent the weekend watching TV. We got take-out for lunch and dinner from our two favorite sushi spots yesterday, and neither one of us changed out of our sweats all day. We ended the night by finally watching our full-length (90 minute) wedding video, and Tony sobbed just as hard as he did at the wedding. IT WAS THE BEST. No pressure to make things “Instagram perfect,” just happy, quality time together.

It’s always going to be okay. Tony’s known this one for a long time, but I’m still really trying to believe it. Despite things always being okay, I always revert to the worst case scenario being our inevitable reality. There have been some major stressors this year, between career stuff, moving and just being newly married. And things have always turned out okay. And even if they don’t, we have each other, and so it’s still going to be okay no matter what.

It’s also okay to just chill. Tony pointed out a few days ago that this year was madness. Aside from our honeymoon, we’ve chosen (and also been gifted) a really wild ride. We went from nearly 2 years of intense wedding planning to Tony shooting a movie, to shooting the 2nd season of his show, to his show finally premiering, to selling our old house to buying a new one. (I don’t know how people who have kids right after getting married do it! I had a hard enough time managing my own life!) Tony also pointed out that I’ve been making a lot of choices to keep things going a mile a minute – after recently realizing we’d been so busy that we hadn’t turned on the TV in a month, he told me maybe I should cut myself some slack sometimes and stop taking on so many self-imposed commitments that I don’t remember to breathe. He is the hardest working person I know, and he still knows how to balance things that I just don’t.

The wedding will always feel like it was just a few weeks ago. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year. I wonder if it will ever feel like it was a long time ago, but I hope not.

You’re going to annoy each other. Tony dictates everything to Siri. Loudly. He’ll spend 10 minutes arguing with her over what he’s trying to say, in what would have taken 2 minutes to type out, and half the time her interpretation that gets sent is still gibberish. And I promised in my vows that when waiters pour water for Tony or give him his food, I would stop saying thank you for him. But I still do it. I also say sorry to people all the time, even when they’re doing something nice for me. I apologize for existing at least once a day. And it drives Tony insane.

You’re going to love each other more every day. Cheesy, but so true. He came home the other day and looked so handsome, I got butterflies – like he was some cute new guy, not my husband who sometimes walks around in saggy old underwear. GROSS (my gushing, not his saggy old underwear that I think is hilarious) BUT I DON’T CARE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

You’re going to start twinning. You know how everyone says people pick dogs who kind of look like them? I feel like the same goes for spouses… Or it just evolves into that. Tony’s bun has started to rival mine, we both have such long hair. Sometimes we’ll both come home to find the other is also wearing chambray and a leather jacket. And he was so mad when he accidentally grabbed my perfume instead of his cologne the other night (I thought he smelled lovely.)

Shut the door. Keep the mystery alive. Especially the gross mysteries. Because sometimes there’s nothing more romantic than just shutting that door.

Trying new things is important. Hearing this always gave me the heebie jeebies, like things get so boring immediately after saying “I Do” that you find yourselves in a Color Me Mine class just to have something to talk about. Also, I’m an OCD creature of habit; I get a little spooked if Tony wants to walk the dogs in the opposite direction than our usual route, so trying new things doesn’t usually sound fun to me. But some of our favorite memories this year have been wandering around new neighborhoods or museums together, or trying things on our own that we can rehash later – like my first time at a Korean spa.

Don’t let your dogs sleep in the bed. (We still don’t follow this, but we know our lives would be better if we did.)

MORE DOGS IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER. So is compromise. (So, no more dogs. For now.)

Friendships come and go. There are some people we haven’t spoken to since our wedding; nothing dramatic, just lives get busy, people drift apart, all of a sudden a year has gone by and we’re still making plans to make plans. And on the other hand, we’ve become really close with people who weren’t at our wedding, who we now hang out with all the time.

But our friendship is just getting stronger. Some people say your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend, but I disagree. I feel lucky that Tony is my best friend and I’m his. It’s like a 2-for-1 deal: I get a husband and a buddy. Date nights are fun, but so is just hanging out.

Family is everything. I put a lot of self-worth in my career (or, sometimes, lack there-of). I keep pushing off having kids, wanting to enjoy our new house first, travel first, get through one more pilot season first. I know there’s no right time, but I also feel like now is so not the right time. However, I’ve also watched a few friends go through some really difficult challenges this year, and all of them have echoed this sentiment, that family is really the only important thing that actually matters.

Say I love you. All the time. Especially when you’re mad. First thing when you wake up, last thing before you go to bed. Just tell the other person you love them as much and as often as you can.

Other marrieds, what did I miss? Singles, on a scale of 1 to 10, how gross am I?!

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