You guys. WE GOT TO GO TO THE EMMYS ON SATURDAY. The Creative Arts Emmys, specifically (it’s all the same, you get an EMMY whichever night you go.) And we got to go because Tony’s brilliant, sweet, hilarious show School of Rock was nominated for Outstanding Children’s Program. They didn’t win (It’s Your 50th Christmas, Charlie Brown! is a tough dog to beat. We will NEVER watch Peanuts again. JK IT’S MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY ALBUM NEXT TO MARIAH CAREY’S.) I don’t even care. I am so freaking proud of my husband, and the rest of that wonderful cast and crew.
I’m not on the show or remotely close to working for it so I can’t speak to what any of them were feeling, but for me – I was BEAMING with joy. I used to have Academy Awards-themed birthday parties. I LIVE for awards shows. So, to get to even attend felt like a win, not to mention a dream come true. As we filed into the theater, someone asked me, “Are you nervous?” and I was legitimately confused for a moment. I forgot there was something to even be nervous about because WE WERE IN. Security actually allowed me in the building, even though I was drooling with excitement. Everyone always says “It’s an honor to just be nominated,” which I always thought was total B.S. – and I wasn’t nominated, but as a +1 bystander, just to watch my husband be on a nominated show was such a thrill, I don’t think it could have been better if their show had won. (Fun story: I got starstruck in the bathroom and stuttered something similar to someone who I had no business talking to, who had also been nominated that night and didn’t win, and she smiled and said, “Actually, it is better when you win. I know. I’ve won three.”) BUT, for this unemployed housewife, IT LITERALLY COULD NOT HAVE BEEN BETTER. Because I couldn’t have been prouder of Tony and his co-workers, and I couldn’t have had more fun.
Here is my play-by-play:
Spot this Badgley Mischka gown on final clearance during a Labor Day sale. Decide to channel Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman/the dancing emoji and buy it.
Buy tons of fake hair because nothing says glamour and beauty like having the discarded locks of a stranger clamped to your head!
Buy brand new Spanx with a pee-hole, and also new sensible kitten heel shoes to accommodate a recently broken foot. Quickly decide to return said shoes and wear stilettos BECAUSE MY FOOT FELT FINE(ish) & IT’S THE EMMYS.
Nail prep the day before at Josephine’s Nails in Studio City. Best in the city of Angels. Ask for Ha. (Thank you for this hot, hot tip, Tiff. She’s a game changer.)
Hair and makeup by Veronica Sinclair. Best in the business/Hollywood/the world. She did my hair and makeup for our wedding, as well as any important event I’ve ever attended. She is my friend and makes me feel beautiful and I love her. She also knows the best lipsticks, and how to make it look like your body naturally produces an unnatural amount of long, luscious lashes. THANK YOU VERONICA.
Arrive at Nickelodeon & force my overwhelmed husband to pose as he’s rushing to finish getting ready. BUT HOW HANDSOME DOES HE LOOK.
Take a pic of the cast like the stage mother that I am.
Take SO MANY SELFIES in the car.
Pull up to the red carpet IN AWE.
Take red carpet selfies.
GET TO WALK THE RED CARPET. You know what true love is? Always standing so your spouse can be on her “good side.” (Have you EVER seen a picture of me standing on Tony’s right?)
Take more red carpet selfies.
Force people we know to take selfies with us. That’s Dionne Kirschner, she’s one of the producers who was nominated for School of Rock!!!!!! (Her arm candy/hubs Trevor is a pretty cool director, too. I’m name dropping all over the place #SORRYNOTSORRYITSTHEEMMYS)
Try to take it in for a beat and be present. Tony and I just got to walk down that! And listen to people shout his name, and smile and pose at whatever voice was loudest/most aggressive! (Here is a video of us posing. Can you tell that he is a pro and I’m about to pass out from pure joy/over-stimulation?)
Make Tony capture said joy/over-stimulation for all of posterity.
Take pictures of our friends/Tony’s co-star Jama being famous on the red carpet.
Paparazzi-bomb the cast while they’re doing interviews.
Force Jama’s husband to photograph me while Tony’s is too busy to do it himself.
Hydrate on some EMMY WATER.
See our friend Rachel (creator/star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend/hilarious and kind and genuine GENIUS Rachel Bloom), who Tony performed with at the Montreal Just for Laughs Festival in 2012. She was presenting and her show was nominated, Tony’s show was nominated, and I was jammed into Spanx and wearing SO much fake hair. We were ALL winners!
Stand in line to take a pic in front of the giant Emmy.
Take/force every photo op I could.
EMMY NOMINATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WERE AT THE EMMYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How cute are these kiddos?!?!?!?!
Load up on booze, popcorn (and a turkey bacon wrap for Tony, who forgot to eat in the chaos of getting out the door.) I didn’t take a pic because I was too busy inhaling all of the above.
Take our seats. THIS WAS OUR VIEW.
I mean, COME ON, for real. How cute are those kiddos?!
Respectfully watch the awards ceremony without taking one photo. Give a standing ovation for Bob Newhart. Laugh at Chris Hardwick’s jokes. Randomly see a new neighbor we just met be nominated. Take in the wonderfulness of Rachel Bloom presenting. Watch Tony’s jaw drop at the length of Mel B’s skirt when she comes out to present (she is his favorite Spice Girl.) Wonder if Spanx are creating a blood clot from how tight they are on my body. Eat more popcorn. Applaud for School of Rock, and applaud for Charlie Brown.
Go to the GOVERNER’S BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (More selfies.)
Oh, just waiters passing around trays of Fiji water with straws drilled into the caps.
Make Tony pose with the bag I forced him to carry with a pair of flats in it in case my broken-ish foot started acting up. He was mad about it, but then was super grateful when we learned there was a chocolate bar, because we could smuggle so much chocolate home with us.
Enter the MAGICAL ENCHANTED FOREST OF CELEBRITIES.
Oh, just some bridesmaid-fairies holding champagne/signature cocktails! (Item of note: EACH DIFFERENT PERSON HELD A TRAY OF A DIFFERENT KIND OF BOOZE DRINK. My favorite was the one with vodka and lavender syrup, I don’t remember the name but I will remember the taste for the rest of my days.)
EAT. Then, take a lap around the room and enjoy the following:
(We filled as many boxes as would fit in the bag with my shoes.)
And oh, JUST A CHARGING STATION.
Make Tony take a picture of my with my new favorite beverage.
Make Tony take the 1,000th selfie of the night with me on my “good side.”
Run back to the table to eat some dessert real fast.
Ask this guy to take a selfie with us because he had an Emmy and we wanted a picture with one. If you know who he is, please comment below & also thank him!
DANCE SO HARD. The band was on a rotating platform (like that Will Ferrell sketch, remember?)
Take a pee break. Realize that pee-holes in Spanx are MUCH more complicated than just taking the Spanx off then wrestling them back on. Get starstruck at the sink.
Dance dance dance until I had to change into my flats to fully get down/not re-break my foot.
Take a look at Tony’s pocket-square after said dancing (this was BOTH of our makeup). (Yes, boys wear makeup on the red carpet.)
Leave. I didn’t want to. I would still be there, slow-dancing with sweat dripping down my hair extensions, chocolate smeared across my face, dress soaked in vodka lavender syrup, if I wasn’t told “The party is over. The lights are going to be turned on. It is time to leave.”
Make Tony stage one last photo op at home before picking the extensions out of my rat’s nest of hair.
Eat chocolate for breakfast and dig through my shoe bag to see what else we brought home, and read the program all over again. WE WENT TO THE EMMYS.
Get super emotional and cheesy thinking about meeting this guy in the Groundlings Sunday Company almost 7 years ago, and how he used to be a janitor and drive a car that broke down all the time, and how he’s still the exact same person who loves me the exact same amount, and that somehow I was lucky enough to end up on his arm at the Emmys this weekend. I’ve written before about how hard this town/industry is, and I’m feeling like a hungover Cinderella with fake hair, bunions and a great manicure, basking in joy of that dreamy night. CONGRATULATIONS, School of Rock. I’m so excited for season 2 (premiering this Saturday 9/17 at 9pm SET YOUR DVRS!!!!!!) The Emmys, you guys. THE EMMYS.