Friday night, I went to a Korean spa with two of my best friends to soak in a hot tub full of tea and have the dead skin scrubbed off our naked bodies (if you want the full scoop, read my detailed breakdown of what it’s like to lie on what resembles Dexter’s murder table in a room full of nude strangers while a woman you don’t know scrubs you down like a Thanksgiving potato.) But for real, if you’re in L.A., go to Olympic Spa and get the Pure Bliss spa ritual. It is, as advertised, pure bliss.
The shop was closed by the time we dragged our blissed out selves out the door, feeling like swanky snakes having freshly shedded the layer of skin we’d walked in with hours earlier. But we admired the face masks they sell on our way out and the girls asked me to send recs of my favorites when I mentioned one of my (many) hoarding stashes is a mini-fridge packed with those sheet masks that supermodels like to wear on Instagram to look hilarious and relatable (I look like a sort of mushy Michael Myers from Halloween.)
Did I say mini-fridge? Yes, yes I did. My husband gave me an electric pink storage compartment dedicated to chilling my self-care products because that is true love, and also because the costume designer from School of Rock Alison Freer told him to, and she has the best advice so we do what she says. Here’s what I have jammed in there (most of which I culled from the lists of Rio Viera-Newton, a beauty writer I follow obsessively because she shares my affinity for cheap things you can buy on Amazon, and also because she’s the epitome of the aspirational cool girl whose delightful tips subconsciously convince me that if I buy everything she tells me to, I will be cool like her. I DIGRESS…)
60 eye patches for like $10*, that embalm your under-eye bags in snail & gold goo? THANKS RIO! (*$10.40 to be exact, but you know Amazon is like playing The Price Is Right, you never know if something will go up, down or sell out when Rio tells the world to buy it.)
Tony actually discovered these 24K eye masks after feeling guilty for using all of mine up because he likes to wear them while sitting in traffic. They’re a fraction of the price of the SK-II ones, and those don’t even have gold in them like these suckers. In a blind line-up, I like these better. Other faves I prefer to the pricey face mask brands:
I’m a sucker for packaging, so obviously I had to buy these Wedding Dress Masks simply because I LOVE WEDDINGS (and pearls). But after I tried one, these have been a permanent fixture in my late-night wine-fueled Amazon benders.
I love these. Of every mask on this list, I’ve re-ordered them the most. They’re especially great if your (hypothetical) recent Shake Shack & cake binge caused you to break out. NOT that I would know anything about that.
If you follow the wellness craze as feverishly as I do, you know that hyaluronic acid is revered like it has magical healing properties that turn back time and make you forever young. So maybe I’m just drinking the Kool-Aid, or MAYBE these My Beauty Diary Hyaluronic Acid Masks truly are the shit. Either way, I love them and feel like I could maybe be on PEN15 after plumping my face youthfully with them.
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Also from My Beauty Diary: Aloe Vera Face Masks. NOT that you would ever venture into the sun without SPF 10000000, but if you do, these are especially great.
These Bombee Honey Face Masks are THE BOMB (see what I did there?! #dadjokes) Super alternative to bee sting therapy, which someone died from (don’t follow the wellness craze TOO feverishly, OK babies?? Be safe I love you!)
And now, items I love that do NOT go in your new fridge that only stores beauty products because you’ve lived in Hollywood so long you’ve officially lost your mind and do things like that now:
I like to multi-task and pop this insane LED mask on while I do Headspace, because both are timed perfectly for 10 minutes. Because you’re supposed to multi-task while meditating, right????
My mom gave me this Caudalie Instant Detox Mask for Christmas and I love it (even though it looks like I popped a Xanax then accidentally painted my face with blush.)
This Fresh Umbrian Clay mask does exactly what it promises: It deeply cleanses and purifies. And that is exactly why I continue to re-purchase it.
Other honorable mentions I am ashamed to admit I paid for, but am sharing nonetheless because they actually feel worth it (which makes me feel like only slightly less of a dipshit for shelling out so much for them:)
This Ultramoor Mud Mask sat in my Sephora cart for 7 months, until there was finally a site-wide sale. I’ve been rationing it out like the gold it is since.
I got a sample of this Eve Lom Rescue Mask and ordered it the second there was a deal for a tote bag full of more random samples if you spent a certain amount (in addition to packaging, I am also a sucker for marketing). It looks like it’s full of cud cows spit out, which I found exciting because it feels like whatever that junk is must really crank its beauty activating powers up a notch. After using it on a regular basis for a while, my sink clogged up and it’s the only time I have EVER seen a plumber genuinely grossed out. Which made me feel even more excited about its powers to suck the gunk out of my pores. (Now I wipe it off with a makeup wipe, though.)
Fresh’s Black Tea Instant Perfecting Mask. It makes my skin tingle, and helps me look alive after I stayed up too late reading a book//my Instagram feed. Or am hungover. Or both.
Shout out to this at-home LED light thing, too! I once asked my dermatologist if light therapy actually works, because I’d read NASA helped develop it for anti-aging (they’re now in on the wellness game too, apparently, in addition to space travel). She hesitated, then replied, “Some people think so… There’s some research behind it.” Which I took as a YES BUY IT. (At least I didn’t get this $65,000 one, okay Tony??)