A little over a week ago, Tony and I went on a honeymoon with my parents! Well, not really because 1) we’re not getting married until next summer (August 1, 2015 to be exact)! and 2) we’re not going on our honeymoon with my parents (much to my mom’s dismay. She suggests we all go on “our” honeymoon “together” several times a week.)

Our honeymoon photos would all look like this. And this:

But, we were super lucky that my parents took us on a pretty incredible trip to Hawaii. And a lot of people thought it was our honeymoon, because while we were there, a friend posted this photo to Facebook of Tony on the season finale of HART OF DIXIE. Some people didn’t know the picture was from the show, mistook the actress who plays his wife for me, and thought that I would actually get married in these outfits:

I don’t know what to be more hurt by, that our friends thought we’d elope without them in attendance, or that they think so little of my fashion sense.

We were actually going to Maui with a pack of the families who I spent summers with at the same Lake Tahoe house Tony and I will be getting married at, including Snowman and his family. One of the moms was turning 50 (or 41, depending on who you asked), and all of her friends were coming along to celebrate. We all stayed at the same condominium building, so it felt like a cross between a group honeymoon/adult college dorm. Needless to say, we LOVED every minute.

The view from our condodorm.

Our condo had a balcony overlooking the water where, every morning, Tony liked to blast heavy metal and rip out a 20 minute circuit workout, and my mom liked to fret over how much sweat he was getting all over the patio, and all the people staring at him. The last day, I caught my dad in the corner of the living room, trying to sneakily keep up with Tony’s circuit training through the window. It was one of my favorite moments of the trip.

My dad was over in the corner by the lamp. It’s one of my great regrets in life that I didn’t have my camera when I spotted him.

At night, the balcony was transformed into a Parent Bar; all the moms and dads who used to enforce rules in Lake Tahoe were now letting loose on the shores of Hawaii. The tables had turned and it was the kids keeping the parents in check. Not naming names, but one of said parents fell in the ocean at the end of the booze cruise we all went on.

The “responsible ones” on the booze cruise.

My favorite day was Wednesday, when Tony and I spent the day in Hana. We got to do the gorgeous drive, stopping along the way to take pictures in front of waterfalls and other majestic backdrops God designed for selfies, and also buy chocolate chip banana bread from locals with stands by the road, and go swimming at the infamous red sand beach.

Selfie #801

This was Tony’s least favorite day; the ride took almost four hours both directions, it was pouring rain, I made him drive the whole way, and got car sick on the way home. In between banana bread stops (and in the middle of a torrential downpour), I also made him try to capture and rescue a homeless dog we saw by the highway (lucky for Tony, a woman who lived there pulled over and told us he wasn’t homeless, his owner lived around the corner, and she’d take the dog home). And the red sand beach was nearly impossible to find; none of the locals would tell us how to get to it, and I refused to go home until we found it. (But we did! By parking semi-legally near the employee entrance to a hotel and climbing through bushes!)

Hana’s red sand beach! It was worth it, right Tony??

Tony’s favorite moment was when we decided to get burritos from a stand near our condo and rent a scary movie. We decided on THE CALL (that Halle Berry movie about the 911 operator, remember? SO underrated in all its cheesy glory, go watch it!) My mom got so spooked halfway through, she jumped up from her seat and back down next to me, so she could squeeze my arm… But, she forgot that’s where she put her dinner and sat in a pile of beans and super spicy salsa, which burned her booty. Tony now affectionately calls her “Bean Butt,” which jumped ahead of sweating all over her patio on my mom’s list of Obnoxious Things Tony Does.

The aftermath of Bean Butt’s shorts.

It rained the first four days of the trip, so we passed the time eating our weight in macadamia nuts, shaved ices, and mai tais. (Except for Tony. Per the usual, Tony ate only protein.) We snorkeled with sea turtles, saw whales on a boat ride, and while my mom and I were shopping one day, Tony waited for us on a bench next to two homeless men affably comparing their skin diseases, and my mom tried to Purell Tony’s entire body in the parking lot when he told her this.

This was our breakfast one day. I was busting out of my bikini for all the wrong reasons by the end of the trip.

Tony’s meals were all some variation on this pile of meatballs.

As far as a test-run goes for honeymooning with my parents, it was a 10 on the Fun Scale and a 2 on the Romance. My mom put us in a room with twin beds, which she would gleefully show off anytime her friends came over, announcing we were just like Ricky and Lucy, waiting for marriage! It should be noted that the headboards were broken on both of these beds (maybe my dad broke them intentionally before we arrived?), so anytime one of us climbed into bed or moved in our sleep, the headboard would slam against the wall. Not exactly honeymoon material.

Okay, the vacation was TOTALLY honeymoon material.

But, the trip did feel a lot like a wedding on our last night, the big birthday party! The birthday girl’s husband rented out an outdoor event space and the party was catered with an open bar, Hawaiian buffet, live music, and gift bags, natch. Tony and I were seated at the Kids Table, because in this bubble, the parents never get old and the kids never grow up — I can’t wait to see what they call the table for the “kids” (actual) kids, when grandchildren roll into the picture.

Kids.

I can’t imagine a better way to spend our last night in Hawaii, stuffing our faces with food and booze, make-up running from laugh-tears and dance sweat. All the dads tried to throw more cash in for the music to play longer, but the hotel insisted we’d overstayed our welcome… So, the parents put the buffet leftovers in bags and carted it up to our condo, where the “adults” partied all night. And like good chaperones, Tony and I said goodnight and went to bed. We had to be up early for one last circuit work out and whale watching session on our balcony.

Our last night in Hawaii, on the sweaty balcony.

The trip was amazing (Thank you, Mom and Dad!!!!), and it got me even more excited to plan our honeymoon. Tony wants to go on a tour of boxing fights across the U.S. and I want to go to the Amalfi Coast, so we’ll have to find a compromise somewhere in between…