[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text el_class=”nope”]Jessie Rosen, the hilarious voice behind 20-Nothings who just feels like your best friend, recently walked down the aisle, said “I do” and became a Mrs! And, luckily for the rest of the internet, she’s sharing her hot wedding tips for brides-to-be everywhere. She was kind enough to let me shoot her all my pressing bridal questions, so read on for her insight on how to survive the long walk down the aisle, from getting engaged to getting married…

Jessie & R, married! With sparklers! Dreams coming true!

A: Jessie, you made it through the trenches of wedding planning victoriously and are officially a married woman (congrats, Mrs!!!) Can you take a walk back down memory lane to those innocent, naive days when you had a shiny new ring on your finger and didn’t know traumatic facts like how much it costs to procure anemones in August for your bouquet? Please share some words of wedding wisdom on what you didn’t know (but now wish you had) about planning the Big Day?

J: Oh the things I wished I’d known… Truth is when that sparkler goes on that ring finger, the wedding planning freight train leaves the station. I don’t blame any bride (including myself) for, say, spending five hours online the night she got home from her surprise engagement weekend, picking her dream wedding venue and not bothering to inform her family that it was pretty much a done deal in her mind. I do wish that I’d been able to be slower in that process and gathered info on family hopes, guest list numbers and wedding budget facts before totally plunging. And yet, what can an engaged girl do?

A: I recently had a pretty heated conversation with my mom over whether or not to rent Porta Potties for my outdoor wedding (there were tears involved, I won’t tell whose.) How did you find a way to peacefully compromise all the different visions for the wedding: Yours, your fiancé’s, your family’s, and his?

J: We ultimately found a way to compromise because we made very clear to our families on both sides how important certain elements of the wedding and wedding weekend were to our overall goals. We envisioned a very specific kind of celebration for specific reasons (specifically – one more time – a small town take-over in a rustic setting because we love that look/feel and wanted all of our guests to enjoy a weekend away). It did take some finesse to get all parties on board, but honesty was the best policy. It goes something like, “this is really important to me Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother/Etc. and I’d love your support in making it possible.” That said, there will always be issues that require compromise on the part of the bride and groom because the day is about more than just two people.

A: What did you find was the silliest waste of money, that your wedding could have done without? What are you #superproud of saving money on? What are you glad you splurged on?

J: I’m #superproud to say that I can’t think of an item that was a super waste of money! Well, maybe the crazy expensive hair extensions that I insisted I needed for crazy full wedding day hair… Otherwise we were on an incredibly tight budget and we stuck to it! Oh, but we did splurge a bit on the welcome party drinks right after our more intimate rehearsal dinner. I maintain that it was money well spent – the perfect chance to gather everyone before all the hub-bub sets in.

A: I feel like every time I make a decision (on wedding colors, The Dress, what passed appetizers to serve at cocktail hour), I see the complete opposite on Pinterest or in a bridal magazine, fall in love with it and question everything. How did you stave off “buyer’s remorse” and not end up with a wedding with every color in the rainbow, 7 gown changes and a sushi-BBQ-taco themed menu?

J: Ugh girl, tell me about it! This was hard for me because I love so many different styles. In the end I let the venue really dictate the décor. Our rustic/industrial setting just wasn’t right for every look, so I stuck with the feel that made sense with that overall vibe. And once that was set I avoided Pinterest like the plague.

A: Let’s talk guest list. What do you do if you want a small-ish wedding, but your mom sent you her list of her non-negotiable 125 “best friends” the morning after you got engaged, and your mother-in-law-to-be wants to invite your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend, whom she’s still very close to? How did you decide how many people to invite, who to invite and who gets a +1?

J: This was probably the hardest part. We took a very specific approach to mitigate stress, and I’d like to think it worked. We picked the venue, determined how many people we could fit and afford at said venue, and then divided by 3. Each group (my fiancé and me, my parents, his parents) got a set number of invites to dole out as they saw fit. We were happy to discuss with our parents but ultimately the number was theirs to divvy.

A: On that note, you can’t invite everyone you’ve ever met to the wedding. Where did you draw the line? Did people write you out of their lives if they weren’t invited?

J: I can’t say if people wrote us out of their lives quite yet (fingers crossed they didn’t…), but we had a few blanket policies that helped like “no co-worker invites” or “only +1 invites if it is a long-lasting relationship.” That certainly helped but there are always people left out. Here’s hoping they understand that you can only fit so many bodies in the room…

A: There’s an overwhelming amount of decisions to make. Did you follow a timeline of when you needed to commit to certain choices (the photographer, band, florist, etc), or was there anything you wish, in retrospect, you’d figured out earlier?

J: I followed a loose timeline, yes, but to be honest we had very few vendors (only DJ, photog and florist) because the venue was a full service restaurant and event space. That said I used a Knot.com check list and timeline to give me a sense of major milestones I should be hitting.

A: What did you DIY? In hindsight, was it fun and worth it, or bridal party slave labor?

J: We DIY’d all the vases and flower holders (12 hours over a weekend with my entire family helping), additional candle holders (probably 6 hours that my mom handled herself), our invites (printed invites through a company but added embellishments (probably another 12 hours total), menus (again, 12 hours maybe?) and a whole host of other little paper goods and décor items. It was hard work, yes, but well worth it in terms of price. I just started very early and employed loving friends (who may or may not currently love me back).

A: My fiancé and I are having a destination wedding. The upside is that it’s like you’re going on a fun vacation with everyone invited to your wedding; the downside is that you’re asking a lot of your guests, financially. In this case, I’ve read in etiquette books you’re supposed to invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner, or host a welcome party, or leave gift bags in their hotel rooms. What did you do for your destination wedding, to make your out-of-town guests feel welcome and special?

J: We also had a destination wedding for all guests. While we didn’t invite everyone to the actual sit-down rehearsal dinner, we did invite all to a welcome drinks party directly following that dinner. I spoke to a number of people who said it was absolutely not expected but very, very appreciated. Plus it kicked the weekend off with a bang.

A: Were there any wedding apps/websites/books that saved your life/wallet/time?

J: I wish I could say yes but the truth is, no. I have a good friend who is a wedding planner – Annie Lee, Daughter of Design, and she really gave us the inside info that we needed to get ‘er done. I found the web tools mostly overwhelming. That said I totally creeped on Style Me Pretty, Brooklyn Bride, Ruffled Blog and more to be sure I wasn’t missing something majorly genius.

A: We’re getting married at a family friend’s house, which is my dream come true. But, it means we’ll have to rent everything, down to napkins and a generator for lights and music. Did you get married in a space that was wedding-ready, or did you go rogue like me? What can I not forget to rent, so the wedding is both beautiful and functional?

J: We were at a fully-outfitted space but considered something similar to what you are doing. The number one thing you cannot forget to rent is LIGHTING. Whether it’s lanterns all around to give the space a glow or actual spot lights so your guests can see where they’re going, light is imperative when it gets dark and is often overlooked in outdoor events that don’t come with a package lighting deal. Often DJs can handle this for you or your catering company will have a partner lighting group they work with.

A: I’ve heard horror stories of bridezillas who make their bridesmaids spend $1,000 on their bachelorette parties, shell out $hundreds$ on matching dresses, shoes, and jewelry, and insist on bridal showers at 5-star hotels. What were your bachelorette party and bridal shower like? What did you do to not break your bridesmaids’ banks and make sure you were still friends by the time your wedding day rolled around?

J: We both kept things pretty simply for our bach and bachelorette. My (now) husband used a friend’s family house in Park City, Utah for a ski weekend and I did a total Jersey Girl Atlantic City night with my crew. There was flying involved for some people but we tried to keep the costs down in terms of dinners and other activities.

A: Did you do photos before the wedding, or after? If you do before, you get them out of the way and don’t miss your own party; but, you also miss the moment of your groom seeing you for the first time when you walk down the aisle. How did you decide?

J: We did photos before the wedding, and it was absolutely the right decision for us. I would have been too stressed waiting until the aisle moment, and neither of us wanted to miss a portion of the cocktail hour. It was also really special to have a “first look” that was between the two of us and no one else, and I enjoyed having that special photo time with family from both sides before the big moment.

A: What are some of your favorite wedding traditions you incorporated into your wedding? What were you happy you threw out the window?

J: My favorite thing that we did was a combo Horah (for Robby’s jewish side) and Tarantella (for my Italian family). Such a fun way to kick things off! Ceremony-wise we were non denominational but each incorporated readings from the religions of our respective sides of the family. We also did a marriage contract (what would be a Ketubah in the Jewish faith) in English and had two witnesses sign it live during the ceremony (instead of in a private ceremony before, as would be done if a Rabbi handled it).

A: Inevitably, something will always go wrong on the Big Day. (Remember when Hilary Duff chipped her tooth hours before her wedding? Or do I need to get a hobby to fill my brain with things besides facts like this?) Did anything not go according to plan on yours? How did you cope?

J: Omg we FORGOT the glass that we were supposed to break to make the marriage official (as tradition goes). The judge marrying us was like, “and now, finally, as is tradition…” and I turned to him and whispered, “we forgot the glass to break!!!” and he just went, “KISS THE BRIDE!” It was hysterical because no one knew we missed it! Then after we all processed out the wedding party met in the “green room” where we were getting ready originally, and we broke the glass among that small group. It was actually such a wonderful alternative. We have a little video of it too!

A: I know the days surrounding the wedding are slammed with finalizing every detail, but they’re also the best opportunity to spend time with loved ones who traveled so far for your wedding. Did you plan any fun group activities with out-of-towners, or do something special to celebrate your bridesmaids?

J: We did a few things in that vein. Robby had breakfast with his best friends from high school while I had breakfast with my best friends from college on the actual wedding day. Robby played golf with his dad while I had a special dinner with my parents. We brought both sets of parents along to get our marriage contract at the little town hall. A whole list of little things that ensured we had time with the people who made the day possible.

A: Everyone has an opinion and loads of advice. How did you tune out the noise, stop second-guessing yourself or feeling guilty about your decisions, and focus on what was most important to you and your fiancé?

J: This was tough but luckily Robby and I were SO on the same page about everything that we used each other as sounding boards for all that questioning. “So and so says we should be doing this….” I’d say to him, and he’d say, “well do we want to do that?” And then we would agree that we did or didn’t and move on from there. We really kept it close to the hip, and that made it so that the day was everything we wanted, collectively.

A: And in a similar vein, while everyone who loves you wishes you the very best, sometimes weddings have a way of bringing out the crazy in people. Did you have any experience with passive aggressive jealousy in girlfriends, or wild behavior like another engaged friend buying a wedding dress identical to yours after you showed her the picture? How did you deal?

J: I am so thrilled to say NO. Or, at least, not that I know of…

A: Did you write your own vows, or rock it old school? If you wrote them, how did you sum up all your feelings and emotions and happiness into something both cohesive and personal (so you don’t end up rambling for 20 minutes like Kanye West reportedly did at his wedding)?

J: We did an alternative to the write-your-own-vows thing but still spoke at the ceremony. These little “speeches” we’ll call them answered the question, “why I’m marrying _____.” We each had five minutes to “make our case.” It was such a fun way to express these deep feelings in front of our friends and family but with a direction to the little oratory. We did not share these with each other before the ceremony but we did have a friend read them to be sure they followed a similar enough tone.

A: The wedding itself goes by so quickly, and everyone wants face time with the happy couple. What did you and R do to make sure you two were able to take a moment with just each other, and celebrate what counts — that you two just committed to spending your lives together?

J: We planned in time to spend together, literally. We put 15 minutes of time in the timeline directly after the ceremony to just be together, alone, in the green room. Then we had another 10 minutes just before our first dance. And then we had another 10 right before we ran out to do our sparkler send-off. Best decision we made.

A: Did you leave for the honeymoon right away, or did you host a post-wedding brunch and take a day or two to unwind and spend time with family and friends in town?

J: We did a post wedding brunch/open house at Robby’s family home the day after the wedding (they were somewhat local), which was a great way to see everyone before they all took off. Then the very next day we left and DROVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY (NY to LA, specifically). It was aggressive, but I would do it all again.

A: Are you keeping your last name, or taking R’s?

J: I’m keeping my name. See link for why.

A: And finally, because you are the expert… What didn’t I ask, but should I have? Can you leave me with some final words that will make me feel only calm and peaceful about wedding planning, from this day forward?

J: The number one question I get asked now that the planning is done: what do I not need. You mostly addressed that in the budgeting/spending question, but there are a few wedding staples that no guests really care about. They are, as far as I’m concerned: favors (skip them), ceremony programs (write it on something that everyone can see), and cake (unless you absolutely love cake, an alternative dessert is just as appreciated). Other than that simple issue, I think you’re in GREAT shape, bride ;)

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row]