{An outtake from the impromptu photo shoot I forced upon Tony}

Today, I was planning to write a post about how to throw the PERFECT Awards Show Viewing Party. I love awards season. Nevermind that I usually haven’t seen half of the movies nominated (I have no excuse, through SAG we can watch them for free from the comfort of our own home. I just usually would rather binge-watch Million Dollar Listing or read a book.) But it’s not about the actual awards. For me, it’s about the culture of awards show viewing. I love to follow the stars getting ready on Instagram and get glam myself, only at the end, they put on gowns and I put on sweatpants. It’s about cooking for days on some fun theme, coming up with a decadent champagne cocktail and curling up on the sofa with girlfriends starting at 2pm to watch the pre-pre-red carpet specials, which are about absolutely nothing but so fun to pregame to. I love to see the dresses and the hairstyles, and hear the awkward red carpet interviews, and try to figure out what the host said that was bleeped out, and gossip with my friends like we’re all in junior high with these celebs. (For real, though, we all want to be in Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence’s clique.) In junior high, I actually had an Oscar-themed birthday party, and my mom set up a red carpet for us to be photographed on in our Jessica McClintock prom dresses. Awards shows are my Super Bowl. But yesterday, nothing went according to plan.

{The ONE semi-Pinterest worthy shot I got last night. Because I was too busy having fun with my friends to remember to take pictures until it got dark.}

For the first time, I’m doing Dry January and almost didn’t invite anyone over to watch the awards with me because I couldn’t drink champagne. But then I realized that made me sound like an alcoholic, and I could watch a show socially without boozing. I wrangled up a group of girls together at the last minute, only to discover Tony’s beloved Redskins were playing an important game that afternoon and he was having dudes over. PERFECT. No big deal. Nothing happens during those pre-pre-red carpet specials, anyway. And I could cook for his party, too, and write a hilarious and unique blog about compromise and a blended Football/Awards Party! I would cook his favorite foods for his party, and a “healthy” spin on my favorite foods for mine, since all of my friends and I are collectively trying to undo the damage we did to our bodies over the holidays.

But instead of being an “adorable” His & Hers theme, it was a bizarre mix of a lot of really random foods that didn’t exactly go together: buffalo chicken dip, grilled kogi steaks, a cheese platter, popcorn, a “Make Your Own Taco” bar with healthy turkey and soy chorizo options, chocolate peanut butter whole wheat puppy chow and s’mores rice krispies. (Turns out, “healthy” is really, really, really hard for me to do.) We tried out our new slow cooker for the ground turkey, and it turned into a weird, soupy meatloaf that looked totally crazy. I didn’t have time to craft Pinterest-worthy decorations or games. I forgot all about a signature cocktail, and resorted to my go-to I’ve made already about a million times: greyhounds with rosemary simple syrup (mocktail for me). I bought enough food to cater an intimate wedding, instead of feeding the 8 people we were expecting, so I forced everyone to take home Ziploc bags full of leftovers like the grandma I am in my heart. The Redskins lost, and I legitimately thought Tony was going to cry. The football game didn’t end until the Globes were starting, and so after catching up on the red carpet, we were watching an hour behind and knew all the winners and Leonardo DiCaprio reactions from social media. Our dogs kept trying to steal everyone’s food off their laps, and people were covered in fur at the end of the night. And I forgot to take a group photo until after my brother had gone home and it was dark outside, so this grainy pic is the best we got:

I’m aware this post paints me as a bit of a desperate housewife cracked out on her desire to be the Poor Man’s Martha Stewart. After a minor freak-out that I had nothing to write about because my Perfect Awards Show Viewing Party post was a ruined hot mess, I laughed at how ridiculous that was. I love looking at other lifestyle blogs, being inspired and getting fun new ideas from them. But, sometimes they’re also so perfect they make me feel like I’m failing at life, so I thought maybe this post might make you feel a little better, too. Like everyone else, what I put online is usually pretty crafted and cultivated. For example, here’s a photo I forced Tony to take of me during a commercial break, when I cut him off on his way to the bathroom:

And here is the edited, filtered version I put on Instagram:

I don’t know why I wasted the time editing and filtering it. The actual shot as-is was fine. But we’re living in this new era where we spend more time on social media than actually being social, careers are made on Twitter and Instagram and days are crafted around getting that “perfect shot” to make it look like we live inside Pinterest. I recently bought a gold stapler because Tony and I are always needing to staple things, and the gross old NORMAL one was RUINING every picture I took in my kitchen. And now I have to live with myself, knowing I am a Girl Who Bought A Gold Stapler.

{RACHEL BLOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

I’ve written before about my desperate, impossible chase for perfection, and how that chase ruins perfectly happy and real moments. Last night was comfortable, relaxed, fun and perfectly imperfect. I didn’t get great, well-lit photos because I was too busy having a great time. The food, although incredibly mismatched, was all delicious. Everyone laughed at my labeling of the puppy chow as “healthy” because I used whole wheat Chex cereal to make it. Rachel Bloom, who performed with Tony at Just For Laughs in Montreal a few years ago and is now starring on a show she co-created, won a freaking Golden Globe and reminded the world that funny women rule and if you work hard enough, your dreams will come true (if you don’t know who she is, this Instagram post is all you need to see to love her forever). Katierose cracked everyone up with her hilarious, on point and off the wall observations. We spent the night laughing and talking. So, looking back, it was the perfect awards show viewing party. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go put on some “no make-up” make-up to go to the gym.