{Jax, Ali + me, besties since we were babies}

My childhood bestie (since we were 2!) and bridesmaid Ali is getting married herself this September, and I am lucky enough to have the honor of being a bridesmaid in her wedding, too! Her bachelorette party and bridal shower were held in San Francisco this past weekend, because she has more important things to do (like being a doctor who saves lives) than behaving like a bridezilla who requires separate weekends for both events (me). It was such a blast and, because I got to stay at my other bestie/co-Maid of Honor Jacquelyn’s parents’ condo in the city, it didn’t break the bank. Double win. Jax got married a few years ago and has a baby now, so it was especially special to have a girls’ weekend away with her on top of celebrating Ali – we haven’t had a trip like this since I crashed in her hotel room for the week leading up to her wedding in Napa, and it was just like our old sleepover days.

{The view from our digs for the weekend. Better than ANY hotel.}

I recently wrote about my escapades at the last bachelorette I attended, and I am thrilled and relieved to say I behaved like a functional adult woman this time around (sorry again Michelle). So functional, in fact, that on the second night one of the girls asked if Jax and I were going to be as lame that night as we were the first night! (For the record, we were. She has a toddler and I’d pulled a nighter after my show before flying out. We were legitimately falling asleep at the bar. Apologies to everyone.)

{Jax, pre-falling asleep}

{The giant cocktail bowl we all shared. Delicious.}

Ali is the most brilliant woman I know, and her sorority sisters from Berkeley and friends from medical school were on the same level. She’s come a long way since eating paste in the sandbox with me and Jax! (Jax, on second thought, I won’t lump you in with me. Everyone, you should know Jax went to an Ivy League university. So looking at the facts now, I was the true lame one.) I traded career stories with the girl who sat next to me, who looked like a Russian supermodel; I tried to understand the ins and outs of her job for the supreme court, and she tried to understand why I’d want to wear wigs and write about almost pooping myself on the internet for a living. We were fast friends!

{This is from the bridal shower. Don’t worry, no children were taken to clubs.}

As you can see from the photos, they all look like TV doctors only they’re doctors in real life. (Or high-powered executives. Or lawyers. As my mom likes to frequently point out. HI MOM.) Hanging with them was like Grey’s Anatomy: The Residency Years. And they know how to have fun like TV doctors, too! The first night, we went to a dinner-show featuring transgender stars doing karaoke at AsiaSF. Jax knows me well enough know to tell me we need to leave 30 minutes earlier than we actually need to leave, so we rocked the red carpet solo waiting to be led to our primo-location table:

Where we proceeded to eat an obscene amount of food:

And watch obscenely amazing karaoke. Practically every other song was Rihanna, but who cares, everyone loves Ri Ri! We all lamented that our bodies were not as bangin’ as these bods:

{This guy got a face full of happiness.}

Saturday morning was the bridal shower at Ali’s aunt’s gorgeous house. There were several pregnant guests and I ate more than all of them, combined. (One of the moms passing out cake thought I wouldn’t want any because I have to fit into a wedding gown in 2 1/2 months. She thought wrong.) Ali looked stunning, as always. Here she is with her cutie mama/twin:

{And here I am with my cutie mama/twin}

Ali made up the cutest bridal shower game, too, based on The Price Is Right! She cut out pictures from bridal magazines of engagement rings, bridesmaid dresses, wedding gowns, floral arrangements, registry items and more, and we had to guess the price of all of them. I didn’t win a single one, bringing shame to my bridal obsession. My mom would say this is because I don’t pay attention to price tags. She would probably be right.

Saturday night, we all met up at Ali’s Maid of Honor Tali’s gorgeous apartment for bridal shower games. I am obsessed with Tali. I want nothing more than to add her to my menagerie of best friends. She has a TV apartment, TV style and is like that gorgeous, super-organized best friend TV character. All of her emails had bullet points. She coordinated everyone’s flights, accommodations and all of the dinner reservations. She sent out several spreadsheets… I don’t even know how to make a spreadsheet. (Ali has all of these traits, too, which is probably why they are besties and why I need Ali in my life.) I want to be both of them when I grow up. Anyway, it had been at least 2 hours since the bridal shower so I was famished and ate most of Tali’s fancy cheeses (sorry Tali), sipped champagne from a penis cup and cheered on sweet Ali while she opened lingerie gifts and guessed who they were from.

Then, we left, inhaled more food and went clubbing. As we’ve discussed, I don’t have a great track record in clubs. But then, it’s been a long time since I’ve gone clubbing with sorority girls! They know how to do it. I learned quickly to join the impenetrable pack of ladies dancing, so dirtbags couldn’t get into the circle. Because when Jax and I were left to our own devices, we told any guys who came up to us that we were married to each other and had a 5-year-old child we’d adopted together. And when a guy tried to offer me a drink, I told him I was a recovering meth addict. It never occurred to me to just shut them out. Genius.

I’m proud to say there was no barfing in taxis this time around! Just a lot of happiness and fun celebrating brilliant, hilarious, gorgeous Ali. You won’t be surprised to know she’s marrying a doctor who is just as wonderful as she is. I’m so excited to be a part of her big day in September. She’s going to be the most beautiful bride. Congratulations, Ali!

Looking through my phone now, I also see that Jax and I took selfies. A lot of selfies. So, I will leave you with a series of them. HAPPY WEEKEND!