{The contents of my high school wallet}

We’ve discussed my issue with hoarding in the past, and I was reminded that I have a true problem this weekend while cleaning out our “costume closet.” Tony and I transformed our spare room into the “crap room,” where we put the things we don’t really need but I’m too attached to throw away (like my broken printer from college). And the closet in that room looks like it belongs to a serial killer, it is so packed with wigs, fake arms, fake blood, my grandmother’s super un-P.C. fur coat that has “Sweet Thing” stitched onto it, a cell phone from the ’90s, and an array of children’s clothes in sizes large enough that they fit Tony and me.

But, with the wedding creeping up in less than three months, we have enough family coming to town for bridal showers and nuptial-related celebrations that we need that crap room to be an actual bedroom. So, I spent the weekend attempting to clean it out… And that costume closet was such a disaster, it alone took the entire weekend. It was so jam-packed with our bag of tricks (all of that junk kept in the name of sketch comedy), that only one of the doors would open, and only halfway because a bedazzled thrift store wedding dress was tangled up in the wheels.

Once I got it open and dove in, I found (amongst a pair of jeans that belonged to an ex-boyfriend, a pair of working Walkies Talkies and an orange ball gown) my purse from high school. It was like a really unsanitary time capsule full of crumbs, about 30 tampons, a mashed up granola bar and several used oil-absorbing sheets with chewed up gum in them. I AM SUCH A CATCH, TONY! All of that was too gross to photograph, but here is what was in my wallet:

– Roughly 5 lbs of change, including several gold coins from various other countries’ currencies

– An 11-15 year old tube of lipstick

– A Gottschalks gift card (Gottschalks went out of business in 2009)

– A note from my mom written in 2002, that apparently gave me permission to go to Cache, buy a blue dress with her credit card and have it shipped to our house

– A coupon for a free sandwich at Chick Fil A (I’m going to see if I can still cash this one in, FYI)

– My passenger card for the Queen Mary 2 with a super flattering photograph

– Business cards with my headshot and old cell phone number

– Three photographs of my high school boyfriend, Chris. Man, I loved that guy. And that professional shot of him with his hockey gear his mom commissioned! We won King and Queen of the freshman winter dance, which I thought for sure that was a sign we were destined to be together forever. Despite the fact that we broke up before sophomore year barely began, I kept these in my photo all through high school. Although we did go to Senior Ball together, so I guess that psychotic behavior paid off! By then, he had pierced lots of his body parts, including his chin. Somewhere in my piles, I have a close-up photo my grandpa took of Chris’s chin on prom night. He was fascinated. (I showed Tony all of this and he was laughing too hard to be threatened.)

– Two torn gift certificates to Macy’s (which I intend to also see if I can still use).

GOOD THING I SAVED ALL OF THAT. And now, I am hoarding digitally, preserving the contents of that wallet forever and ever so I’ll never forget them! (Seriously guys, I have a problem.)