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in the name of beauty, a bug zapper for your FACE

{ New Spa High Frequency Skin Care Device }

Boozing and internet shopping is one of my favorite pastimes. It’s a hobby. A form of relaxation. And this is one of the best late-night purchases I have made! I feel like I remember reading about it in a respected beauty magazine, but I don’t know if that’s true, or the wine talking. Anyway, it feels like a human bug zapper and looks like a delicate, pricey dildo but in actuality it is a magical acne and signs-of-aging eraser! It’s not a laser, but I like to pretend it is… It’s really a New Spa High Frequency Skin Care Device. If you’re as addicted to facials as I am, you’ve probably experienced the use of one of these suckers and are getting excited that you can zap your own face from the comfort of your own home! (The box says “FDA listed,” which I’m pretending means “approved” – I do not know why they wouldn’t just say “approved” if it is, though, but like with all things I don’t really want the answer to, I’m sweeping that question under the rug!)

Basically, it comes with four glass rods – choose which magic wand you want depending on your issue. One helps reduce signs of aging, one zaps acne, one is supposed to help with cellulite and one is a glass comb for “hair growth stimulation.” My cellulite seems like a mountain too daunting to summit and I pop Biotin vitamins like candy, so I really only use the anti-aging wand and the acne zapping wand. I feel like I look more and more like a haggard old witch every day so I don’t know about the wrinkle side of things, but I reallyreallyreally hope that it is helping on that front… But I WILL say I break out a lot (especially with all the crap I eat and all the anxiety I feel), and this thing really does blast acne. So my vote is that it works.

Disclaimer: Some of the glass pieces you rub directly on your face, and others will shock you if you touch your face with it, so best to use sober (I learned the hard way. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.) Its intended use is on a clean, make-up free face, and when you’re done you just remove the wand and wipe it down with rubbing alcohol and stare at your beautiful, clear reflection for a moment. (Society is hard enough. Just do it. Tell yourself you’re beautiful.)

Tony heard the high pitched buzzing the other night and came downstairs to see what the shit I was up to. He was terrified at first, but then he used it so I feel like I won. If you decide to go down this road of “questionable internet purchases” with me, tell me how you like it! HAPPY THURSDAY IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND DON’T WORRY SO MUCH OK!

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